Transcript of Episode:
Welcome to "Office Hours with Dr. Lacy". Hi, I'm Dr. Lacy, your Dissertation Strategist, where I help doctoral students finish their qualitative visitations so that they can graduate and successfully become Doctor. Let's get started with this week's episode.
Guess what? I am hosting my very first writing retreat in November with Jen and be at home in Chicago and I don't know, guiding a few friends along for a beautiful protective rejuvenating writing retreat right before the holiday. So we are gonna meet meeting in Chicago November 24th, so this one is seven, four days, three nights of writing, scholarly pursuits, whatever that may be. Um, um, fun we are going to be talking about, so like for your scholarly self, we're going to be talking about best ways of organizing yourself, how to make a realistic schedule and a realistic routine. We're going to have some time to get some eyes and you're writing to really help you flesh out those ideas. Have a really solid plan for not only getting a significant writing bed at the retreat cause there was nothing more. I find it annoying that we go to in the bank.
You're out, you're all excited and you're motivated, you're like get them to do all the things and you go home and you're like, I don't even know how to take the next step. So we're going to make sure that when you leave, we know what to do. Plus, you know, I don't like, I can't just sit there and just work, you know, that's not my emo. So while we will have 20 hours dedicated to solid writing time, we will also have time to talk about things that are happening outside of writing. Like how do you keep your motivation, how do you stay productive, how do you manage your chair and your committee and keep everybody on schedule and on the same page, how do you manage your own selves that you know you can continue to show up and go after your doubles. Plus so much more.
Um, breakfast and lunch is included in the price and we have three different actions for packages available. So please, please, please go over to marvettelacy.com. Then you're going to click the red button at the top right corner and it says work with me. And there you will find all the information about the writing retreat. I'm so excited. I have so many surprises planned. We already have people signed up and so please don't miss out. I would hate for you to miss out. Just gone over to the website or you can DM me on Instagram and we can talk there and I can tell you more about it, but
please don't miss out. All right, we're going to get on to today's episode. Welcome to week two of this 90 day challenge. And today's episode is all about getting your team right. Now. Last week we talked about the basics in the foundation of this challenge and beyond this challenge. These are the basics as a scholar, as a person, that she, you should be committed to. Um, if you haven't had a chance to listen to that episode, please go back and listen to that episode. Um, and sign up even for the challenge so you can get the printables and stuff. Um, to make this challenge easy so we can finish the last 90 days shrunk. But today's episode is about your team, your team of people. So if you don't know, um, I am an avid YouTube watcher. I love, love, love YouTube. Like I watch you two more than TV.
People are, uh, out here talking about shows and things and I have no idea what they're talking about. But I know YouTube burstow and this is something, wow. I mean, I've been doing this for YouTube has been my thing for 10 years now. Like it's my main source of entertainment. But anyway, um, if you are familiar and when you go to the homepage of YouTube, they're usually recommendations for you, um, to watch and based on like your watch history or things that Google just thinks you may be interested in because Google knows your whole life. At least he knows my whole life, my whole business and life is on Google. Um, and one person popped up, um, Indian, it was a black woman and she had a really, really low haircut, like not even lower than like a fade. And she just looked beautiful. Melania's Papyrus, she was real snatch.
She had on his dress and there was a Ted talk Indians. I don't know about you. I mean, I know things are changing, but when I first saw this video, I didn't see many videos with folks of color, especially black women doing Ted talks. And I mean like Ted talks, like with the regular, like Ted talk on the, um, screen. But it was Stacey flowers, um, and her talk, which I think is like how to be happy. Let me get the right title for you because you know, I don't want to be butchering this cause this is a, this is really important. Um, but yeah, she was essentially talking about how to be happy and how she was working towards goals and, um, what she has found to be the most helpful in her achieving her goals and happiness. Um, it's called how to be happy.
Ted talk, excuse me, the five key people you need. Um, and I'm going to get it together. This, this word is trying to see, it's taking me out. But anyway, she talks about the five people you need. But before I just want to let you know, um, I watched this video and then I went down a whole rabbit hole because she has a YouTube channel that she puts out videos just documenting her life. So she lives in Chicago, she's a speaker, so she's traveling around and doing that. And she's also starting to branch out in other areas of her business, helping other people with their business, helping people become speakers, um, helping people with debt management, money management, and she's chronicling her life of, uh, focusing on her health, being really dedicated to her health. Um, so getting a personal trainer, eating, changing her diet, going to see a therapist, working with her coach, and you get to see like her, like coaching other clients, things of that nature.
Um, she is following the day for him. So you plan to get out of debt. Um, it was about $200,000 in debt and she's been working through it, like killing it and she works part time. She works roughly 25 hours a week. Um, and she has, um, a very, I think he's grown. It's like not grown, but like if 17, 18 year old son, um, I've known C I know all her life because I've been watching the videos. But anyway, I've give you that background so you can have a little bit information about who she is. Um, and share my joy to, um, of like this wonderful woman. So I definitely will link it in the show notes and you should definitely check out her in his Ted talk, um, because it's hops about the people you need on your team. Um, and so I used to get it done framework and my business and essentially to get it done framework says that you need three main things to finish your dissertation.
You need systems like our routine, a schedule, like a playing in things that you do consistently on a daily basis that guide you, um, to towards achieving your goals. You need mindset because that's what is really preventing us from getting to our goals and writing. You need a way to like work on that every day to remind yourself why you're doing what you're doing. And the third thing is you need community. And I'm really big on building community because that is really what takes people out in this dissertation game of you started to feel isolated. You don't have people around you. People start to be at different levels, especially if you're in like a cohort or something. Um, and I know the power of community and people how that helped me to finish my dissertation in four minutes. And so I'm always telling people that you need to get you some people.
Um, I, that's why I have my writing group right away. That's why I have Facebook groups. Cause I know the power of people also want to make a side note y'all. So this new place where I live is very, very loud. And so you may hear cars and things on being picked up out of microphone. But I literally hear this all over my apartment and there's nowhere for me to go. And so we're just going to enjoy the silence of this city. And this pack has from now on until I find another solution. Okay. And up side note. But yes, back to Stacy. So she has this Ted talk and she talks about five people that you need. Um, you know, the chief for it goes with being happy. The first person is the cheerleader. So they cheer you on when you cannot cheer yourself on.
They are your, they're your pep squad or your people in the corner. Like they don't quite understand what it is that you do or why you doing this or like why you still in school, but they love you and they went and see you when, cause while they don't quite understand what it is, they know that it's big. They know that it's important for you to do this goal to become a doctor. They also know and can see probably more than you that this is this, you getting this PhD or you achieving this goal. Sure it has something to do with you. But at the same time has nothing to do with you. Like you're doing it for your family, for your friends you're doing for all the people who are watching you that you'll never realize are watching you. And they know that their job and their role is to just cheer you on and keep you going.
They don't have to understand it and I'll have to get the nitty gritty details. They just have to cheer you on. And that's what they do. They give you encouragement, they tell you you can do it. They may listen to you and again, they may not get it, but they're still like, but you can do it like they know without a doubt that you can do it. This is the person that you want to talk to or call or text when you're like [inaudible] you know this degree they can have it. Cause I have other ones. I don't mean this one. That's who you call when you, when you need some sense of like motivation. Um, and I think about this, like when I was trying to figure out who was going to be on my dissertation committee, I was, I, it is important that I have somebody who is really supportive and encouraging and that they don't have to get my methodology or my research.
They just gotta be encouraging. It's gotta be happy. Um, and the person I had was name is Dr. Dunn and if you know her, you, I mean, you, people instantly melt when you hear her name. Like you just, you just feel like safe and like everything's gonna be OK. sure. It as a fire all around me, but she said it's gonna be okay, so it's going to be okay. And, um, she's, she's been doing this for years. Yeah. Like it's not like she's brand new or anything. Like she gets it, she knows the process. She's helped tons and tons of doc students finish. But her main thing for me that I was, I just, I just need to know that if I look at her and I'm about to freak out or I'm just not, I'm not doing well. I know she's my cheerleader. So who are your committee or in your circle or then this process is going to be your cheerleader.
I had other cheerleaders as well. I wanted to share that example because a lot of times we think that your committee has to be this rigid idea and that you can't be more intentional about how you select committee members. Now I get that like politics are real and some programs have some very strict rules, but if you can, if there is some room for you to have a cheerleader on your committee, I'm telling you, it makes a huge difference. A huge difference. Okay. The second person is a mentor. They point you in the right direction. I like to think of this person as your advisor or your chair. Now I'm gonna get to the wrestling and be like, shouldn't my chair be all these things? No, no. Your chair cannot be all things for you.
They cannot, they cannot do all the things they have other people they have other other tasks they got, they got lives, they got busy schedule.
You my friend are very, very, very small part of their life or what's on their plate and they can't be all things for you nor did you ever expect anyone to be all things for you. That's a lot of pressure and very unrealistic. You can't even be all things to one person. And if you are,
I'm sure the way your life has looking, we need to talk, Hey girl, the ones who come in the middle of this episode and tell you about my 90 day challenge. Yes, the last 90 days. How do we finish this year strong. So if you're familiar with Rachel Hollis, she does the last 90 days challenge. And I decided to do my own version of that. And so I'm here to help all of my scholar friends make the last 90 days the best 90 days of 2019 all you had to do is come on over to the website, my vet, Lacey's dot com. Scroll all the way down to the bottom. You will see a button there for you to sign up. There should also be a button at the top of the page, but just in case you don't see it, it's there. Um, and you're, you're on a sign up and you're going to get emails.
And what I'm doing is singing folks an email every week full of motivation and a challenge for them to do every week in this challenge takes no time. Like it's asking you to take an hour for yourself in listen, if you don't have it, how every day for yourself, like Rachel says, do you even have a life? So yes, that's where we, we're going to be delivered at 90 days. It's not too late to sign up. It's never too late to start going towards your dream. So please come on over to the website, sign up and let's get back to the episodes.
Okay, back. So your mentor or your advisor there pointing in your right direction, you tell them like here's look, I'm a finish this dissertation and may here's my plan to do this. This is what I came up with on my on like what feedback that you have from me. And they're there to give you like advisement. Like they're there to like listen to you and very like overall big picture, here's what you need to do, here's the direction you should be going into. But they are not the ones there to like give you step by step instruction of how to get there. And this is probably one of the biggest mistakes or I don't know, misconceptions that I see with doc students with clients that they think that their chair, their advisors as opposed to sit down with them and walk them through step to step.
Again, nobody has the time to do that and it's not that they don't care. Maybe I don't care, but like it's not about you personally. It's if they don't have the time to do that at tops, you should have 15 to 30 minutes with them just to tell them what it is that you're doing and them to give you the advice that you need to move forward. Again, they are not there to get into the weeds with you step by step. And if they are doing that with you, that is so much care for you and so much time and labor on their part that they don't have to. I'm going on a tangent. A lot of people think, um, they feel entitled to that their chair has to do this. Their chair needs to sit down and, and as their chairs responsibility, and I'm glad and 10 because now that I've been a chair and advisor, but I see this and when I'm talking with clients, this is what I hear.
I hear the sense of entitlement that your chair is supposed to do all these things and they're not, their job is to give you guidance to block other people from acting up on your committee. And to get you to graduating, you, my friend has to do all the other work. You have to figure out the step by step. You have to learn. It's a learning process now. It's not that there are keeping you like leaving you out there to dry and maybe if you're having that experience, I'm sad that you are and you still have the um, ability to go get what you need.
Okay? So your advisor is just there to give you general advisement advice. They not there to get in the weeds with you. You could because the third person that you need on your team is you're a coach. This is the person who helps you grow by pushing you from your conference zone. This is the person who's in the weeds with you and sense of like they're taking a deeper dive with you to see like, okay, here's the direction that you've set with your, your advisor or your mentor. Here's where you're going. Okay, let's develop a plan to get you there. A more step by step plan. Your coach is also the person who would see potentially pitfalls or where you may get stuck and their job is to come in at those moments and push you past those moments where you get stuck and you're not gonna like them. Cause it's going to be uncomfortable. You're not going to want to do it. But that's what your coach's job is to get you into explain and to be the in between of you have this goal, this is what your chair said. Your coach comes in to do this.
And people like, I can't afford a coach. It doesn't have to be a formal dissertation coach. But do you have someone who maybe they just ratchet it from the program? Somebody who like reached out to you and I was like, you know, you've been talking to, it should not be someone who's in the same, um, on the same level in terms of they're also working on a dissertation. You want someone who has more perspective, who have, they finish their dissertation, they graduate it cause you, you see the process completely different than when you're like after you're done, then when you're in it. So finding someone who just recently graduated, going through the alumni, someone you may know, maybe it's a sister who maybe it wasn't the same program that they did their, um, dissertation, but they understand in general the process. That's who you need.
You need someone that you're able to talk through your dissertation where you're struggling for them to be able to push you that you listened to, that you were respect. Um, cause this is, I mean I get it. It's not always about pinging someone, but you do need someone who gives you, who can see the bigger picture and dye you and who can help you in the weeds. Right? So we have cheerleader, we have the mentor, we have the coach. The fourth person is a friend there to hold space and have a place in your heart. So your friend is different than a cheerleader because the cheerleader is just like, yes, you've got this, you've got this, go, go, go. No I don't, I don't understand what's going on. But go, go, go. Whereas your friend is more of, they know you, like they know you, they um, they been with you before you did this journey or maybe you found them during this journey, but they, it's, it's a separate like space that you, the two of you hold together.
Um, and you're able to tell them anything. Like you're able to tell them the stuff that you wouldn't dare tale the cheerleader or the mentor or the coach or anyone else for that matter. They'd know your secrets. They know where the bodies are buried, they know everything and you need someone who you can call and just cry and they get it who you can call and be like, I feel like shit today. I suck. And they will all space and listen and encourage you. You need that. Um, or that person who needs I, who pulls you out of your bubble. Cause you know we get into our academic bubbles and we started using all this jargon and words and analyzing everything you need that person who's going to bring you back down like remember where you came from. Remember your family and friends, remember to take care of yourself.
Your friend is probably the one like sending you food or reminders to shower cause you know, depending on where you are, I mean things get real and this person, they, they care about you on a deeper level is all I'm saying. I just said use other people, don't care. But your friend was there to hold space for you in with you. And the fifth person is a peer. Now your peers, someone who's in your field who is writing a dissertation with you, maybe they're in your program or close enough but at the same place with you. I'm working on things and they keep you keep your head in the game. Like they keep you on your heels so to speak. So when I had to finish my dissertation in four months, my peer would have been Dr. John Collier. We both had this four month timeline. We had to graduate and we had to collect data, analyze, write and defend.
In four months we were doing it together. So that meant most days we were writing together. We helped each other in our dissertation processes, like serving as a peer researcher. Um, like w we wrote together and yes, we checked in on each other, we made sure that we kept each other going. And it is like trying to do this by yourself is the slowest way to do this. When you have someone that you know, you have to show up where you know they're showing up also, it is different and you help each other grow. You help each other grow. Um, so I, I mean I may, we need to do a different podcast episode about how that process went, but this is invaluable. And even now, today, like are business for example, I have peers, I have a group of people that I'm, I'm in a program with.
I have a smaller group and I also have my core people that I like, look, this is what happened. This is what I'm trying to do. Where you think, Oh, I see how they're showing up on like Instagram or like seeing what they're doing in their business. And it's not about me like comparing myself, but it like inspires me. Like, Oh, she's winning. Why she did this? Let me try it. And to know that I can go and like talk to them and be like, why didn't you do it that way? Let's talk this out. How I can use it. I'm T I have grown so much, um, in my business because I have a peer group and because I have these five people, so, um, that is my take on the five people you need to get your team. Right. Um, I definitely think you should go watch the video because, you know, I might be butchering a little bit, but that's my own remix on it.
Um, I will caution you though, where I see a lot of people get caught up is that they have too many people as their mentors and their coaches, um, even peers to a certain extent. But really when you think about a mentor advisor, when you are, when you constantly are going to people for advice and you're like, look at this, look at this, and people like you asked by people for their feedback on your dissertation, you're gonna get five different responses and you are doing it because you were trying to understand and not be confused, but that's going to confuse you even more because there's no way for you to follow five different sets of advice. This advice, I don't know the poor form of that. Um, but there is no way for you to do that. Like, so I really say that you should have like one main like mentor advisor two at the most because again, it's, it's difficult when you have all these voices telling you to do things and then you're like, I don't know what to do.
And then for your coach, the same thing, one or two people who are helping you get out of the weeds. Again, you're trying to, if you're trying to follow the advice of too many people, it just leads to confusion. And then when people have too many peers, um, you can get caught in the comparison game cause you can start feeling like I'm behind. I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do. Everybody is so much farther than I am. [inaudible] again, one to two people because you need a small like tight [inaudible] that keeps you running and it will be trial and error. Um, you may not get it right or people change and, and they move on and you may have to like, you know, switch people to different roles or maybe switch people in and out. It's not a fixed, rigid, rigid thing. Um, but it's always to be, it's always good to be mindful of who your five people are and evaluating how they're helping you because it's not just about, you also like you're like, Oh, I'm just taking, taking all these people are doing this for me.
You're somebodies cheerleader, you're somebody mentor, you're somebody coach. You're somebody who's training you or somebody who's peer. We, I want to encourage you to think about, but what about you? We're good at giving. We can give, give, give, but what? How do you receive? Do you let people in and help you? Do you let people know really what's going on with you or are you so busy trying to be the strong one? This is one step out of that. Thinking about who your inner circle is, thinking about the role that they're playing and if you get to that point in your life, Oh so and so needs to leave, they're not helpful. It's okay to let them go. You can love them from a diff, a distance. You don't have to be mean or like person amount and tell them to get away from you.
Ian. They don't always have to have access to your time, your energy, your labor. Okay. I'm going on a soap box. I'm going to stop, but I would be curious to know who are your five people. Lead me, not Instagram at Marvette. Lacy, you can also come on over to the Facebook group. Qual scholars. I would love, love, love to know who your five people are and remember we are in week two of the last 90 days. You can sign up if you're not already signed up and get all the information delivered straight to your inbox. That is all I have for today. Until next time, do something to show yourself some love figuring out your five people and I would talk with you next time. Bye for now.
Says how is your productivity going? No, for real. It's just, you mean like tell me how is your productivity going? You feel like you're getting a lot done in a week or do you feel like you're just doing a lot in a lie and you're feeling burnt out? Still a little bit lonely, wishing you had people who were just as dedicated as you are and consistent as you are to showing up week after week to get things done. Then you have to join right away. Right away is my weekly accountability crew where we had people just like you showing up every week to get it done. We meet on Sundays and Wednesdays are three hours each. You can choose to come either Sunday or Wednesday or both. You can come in for some time. Um, we ask that people stay for the whole time but we also know like life is life happens and sometimes you have other things to do and so we have people who come in for maybe the first 30 minutes and then they leave and they come back.
It is there for you. It is there as a community of people to encourage you to support you. It is there to keep you accountable to what you say you're gonna do week after week in class. We are always like holding each other down. We are supporting each other. We celebrate the small wins that like your family and friends don't get. Like I don't understand why it might have been exciting for you to find the perfect methodology or that perfect article that explains exactly what it is that you want to do for your dissertation. That's not us. We do that. We you, we're here to celebrate with you and then when you need someone to help keep you together, like call you to the carpet. We're there to, to do that. So come to the website, check us out. Enjoying now you can go to my bed, like see back, calm. Click the red button in the top right corner, work with me and you'll find all the information that you need there. I love this group. We've been going for almost a year now. [inaudible] you definitely, definitely should join.